Sanctimonious Husband

I hate having arguments with my husband, because in his eyes... he's always right.

Plus half of our arguments are over childish sht.

I told him I didn't want to watch "his" show with him because he forces me to watch them out of order. He then explained I had the ability to watch them at night. Which isn't true [I share television time with the kids]. However, I also explained that I like to watch shows in order. He KNOWS this about me. I've re-started whole series over and over if I lose my place. So, his thought is that I can watch Episode 10 today and spend that time "with the family" [as if the kids aren't plugged straight into their tablets the whole time] and then watch the previous episodes at night that way HE doesn't lose HIS place in the show while I work and he continues to watch the rest without me.

It's so childish and stupid to fight over this, especially since it's *my* lunchtime. My breaktime.

My frustration is his reaction, he started swearing at me and then stomping around and ignoring me for the rest of the time while mumbling under his breath.

I can't live with that hostility and honestly I'd rather be ANYWHERE but here right now. I know I love him but right now I don't like him at all.

day 3 of Keto

That's right. I was sick and tired of looking at the scale and seeing it go up, so I'm back on Keto. So far it's been pretty good. I'm kind of concerned for tonight after work. Yesterday I skipped dinner cause I wasnt really hungry and then this morning I wasn't really feeling breakfast.... I just had a snack of cheese, which I try to limit, and hopefully that'll keep me full until dinner.

Lunch today was leftover salad.

What I'm most proud of myself is the amount of water I'm drinking. And I've essentially cut out coffee.

Yay.

Depression

I'm struggling to fight off my depression today because I'm so concerned over my weight.

It's a good day. It's beautiful out, I worked some weekend OT for the first time in forever, and the kids are at their grandparents. Today should be a nice "break" day and yet I'm struggling with myself.

My kitchen still looks pretty great, so that's a win.

Depression sucks. Being obese fucking sucks even more.

Riggs, New Day

I'm fucking tired of Jonathan's expectations.

He expects me to click and read everything he sends me, but I send him something and he doesn't fucking bother.

This week has been an absolute shitshow. Because of the last Riggs Day, it set off my week into a fucking spiral. I shouldn't let it, and for whatever reason I fucking APOLOGIZED to my friend. I shouldn't apologize.... but Jonathan made me feel bad because I was shitty during the D&D session. You know what I want to do? I want to tell my fucking husband to FUCK HIMSELF. I'M NOT THE ONE WHO BULLIED SOMEONE INTO A DEPRESSIVE SPIRAL. Jonathan should have more fucking sympathy towards his WIFE. 

I'm SO tired of being the one to apologize. I'm so absolutely TIRED of being the one who is "wrong" all the fucking time.

I'm so fucking done. I just... I don't even know what to do with myself anymore.

riggs part 7

It took all afternoon and now right before bed, I finally broached the subject with my husband. I don't think he even noticed that it hurt me so much. I ended up sobbing alone in my bedroom from this.

It's hard not to cry when you know you're the stupidest person in the room.

riggs part 6

I know I shouldn't take it to heart...

But it's just... it's a bad day for this type of jest, because I was suffering from a massive depressive episode last night, so I'm even more sensitive today.

I don't know if I want to play anymore. Maybe I should just not after this campaign. Which sucks cause I love playing D&D.

riggs part 5

I know I'm bad with numbers but for fucks sake I can add a +1. My character got hit by 34 damage and an extra 1 for electricity... and from another friend [not the first one] he says "so 35 damage" NO FUCKING WAY, I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE MORE!

I'm trying to stay positive, but I dunno, I know this will affect me for months to come.