riggs day part 2

I'm not smart.

This is what triggered this "riggs day". 

My friend, yes a friend, made fun of me about my lack of math skills.

I'm not *stupid* I'm just really terrible with numbers. I will literally think 5+6=11... and then DOUBT myself that it's 11, so I re-check. But because it takes me so long to check and re-check, and re-check again... and I have to do this several times during our games... I feel stupid. 

So unfortunately, the barrage of comments about my lack of intelligence didn't help.

Sadly, this happened during the beginning of our d&d session. I know he said it in jest, but unfortunately it impacts my mindset.

Because *I* don't care what happens to me, now I don't care what happens during our session today. 

It's kind of sad because these are our last sessions for our campaign. I was hoping it would be... better. Now I'm focused on not performing anything math in front of my group again.

Like I wish I could leave the table.

I wish I could go curl up into a ball in my bed.

I wish I could curl up and die.

riggs day

Riggs is code for I wouldn't care if I died right now.

Doesn't mean I'm suicidal, just fucking depressed and wish I'd die so I could just fuckin sleep.

I'm just... I'm sad and tired.

But I'm still here...

Rest Day #2 [sort of?]

Today was a rest day, but I moved my exercise bike to my WFH station and did that while I worked for about 15-20 minutes.

I ate like sht though.

Had a coffee with my breakfast break[sargento?] for breakfast, missed/skipped lunch and then had FRIED seafood, onion rings, fries for dinner.

My stomach is angry with me.

Also! Artist Goals

I haven't been part of a prompt event in a long time [2008] and I happen to see a friends post about the SPN Big Bang. Checked the dates and tomorrow is the cut off for the sign-up [for writers], well I saw the disproportionate amount of writers to artists and signed up for the Art prompts.

There's only like 2 weeks from claim to post, which is kinda tight, but I'll keep an eye out on the prompts, maybe make a couple ideation sketches/roughs for various stories.

I'm excited but also kind of nauseous. I've never posted my art online. 

Work Out Day 2

I took a rest day yesterday [honestly I just wanted to sleep in] AND I *almost* did it again today. However, while working from home, I moved my excercise bike to my desk [my desk is elevated] and it works out perfectly. I was able to work AND kickass at the same time. I also did a couple squats, russian twists, crunches, and a 30 second FULL plank [NOT modified/NOT on my knees]... I feel so good and I'm proud of myself.

Let's keep going...

Work Out Day 1 [again]

Got on the exercise bike today. Instead of letting it collect dust, I let it collect my sweat today. Hell Yeah! Worked out for 25 minutes and got around 11.25 km

[I'm hoping to get back on the bike tonight before bed]

I've got a lick of motivation, just gotta keep going.

Game plan, how will I do this?

In the morning before work, I'll jump on the bike for 25 minutes every day. While drinking 16 oz of water.

Get to work/plan on a healthy meal.

Keto? Let's try it again.

reinvent the wheel?

I've been eating like sht and treating myself badly. In fact, I've thought some very dangerous thoughts in that regards. Thankfully being self-aware of previous depressive states, I'm the type of person to seek out others for help before giving up.

I have a beautiful life. I just need to keep my eye on the goal.

Get in shape. Feel better naturally. Quit soda. In fact, quit the sofa too. Being a couch potato is a waste of my life.